“Opposites attract” is a law of attraction, at least where electromagnetism is concerned. But are there laws about attraction between two people? Is there a defined set of rules that make two people fall in love with each other?
Is attraction a matter of chemistry?
Possibly. According to science, the attraction between animals of the opposite sex is all about chemicals called pheromones. The effect of pheromones in behavior of insects is the most studied to date.
It has been observed, at least in some experiments, that pheromones are responsible for communication among same species and colony of ants. The horrible odor released by skunks to ward off enemies is said to be a kind of pheromone. Some species of apes rub pheromone-containing urine on the feet of potential mates to attract them. Animals (usually the females) such as insects and mammals send out these chemical signals to tell the male of their species that their genes are different from theirs.
This gene diversity is important in producing offspring with better chances of survival. The perfume industry has capitalized on pheromones as a means to increase a person’s sexual attractiveness to the opposite sex. Animals such as the whale and the musk deer were hunted down for these chemicals. Lately, scientists are looking into the existence of human pheromones and its role in mate selection.
There are many conflicting views in the realm of biology, chemistry, genetics, and psychology.
Most scientists would assert that these do not exist, or if they do, do not play a role in sexual attraction between a man and a woman. But new research studies are slowly making these scientists rethink their stand. The experiment involved women sniffing the shirts of different men during their ovulation period.
It was discovered that women prefer the smell of men’s shirts that were genetically different, but also shared similarities with the women’s genes. This, like in the case of insects and other mammals, was to ensure better and healthier characteristics for their future children. However, the preference for a male odor is affected by the women’s ovulation period, the food that men eat, perfumes, other scented body products, and the use of contraceptive pills. So does personality play a part in sexual attraction?
Yes, but so does your perception of a potential mate’s personality. According to a research conducted on interpersonal attraction and personality, a person’s sense of self-security and at least the person’s perception of his/her partner were found to be strong determinants of attraction. We prefer a certain personality type, which attracts you to a person. But aside from the actual personality of the person, which can only be verified through close interaction through time, it is your perception of your potential partner that attracts you to him/her, whether the person of your affection truly has that kind of personality or not.
This could probably account for the common statement on failed relationships, “I thought he/she was this kind of person.”
So how does attraction play a part in relationships? Attraction is a prelude towards a relationship, at least in the beginning. However, attraction alone cannot make a relationship work.
It is that attraction that makes you notice a person from the opposite sex, but once you get to know the person more, attraction is just one consideration. Shared values, dreams, and passions become more significant in long-term relationships. So should you stop trying to become attractive? Physical attraction is still a precursor.
Biology predisposes us to choose the partner with the healthiest genes. Where your emotions are concerned, would you want to spend time with a person who feels insecure about him/herself? A person’s sense of self-security matters beyond attraction. There is wisdom in knowing who you are, your values, beliefs, and dreams.
Do not pretend to be someone you are not.
Fooling another person by making him/her think that you share the same values and beliefs is only going to cause you both disappointments. When you are healthy in all aspects, attractiveness becomes a consequence and not an end. More than trying to become physically attractive, work on all aspects of your health physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.
Do these things for yourself and not for other people. Only then can you truly harness your attractiveness as a person.